Bag: Dooney & Bourke
Flats: American Eagle
This past weekend I had my graduation party, and a ton of family and friends came over to celebrate with me! Most, if not all, of my really close friends came too, which is rare since I live really far from everyone. My one friend and my cousin offered to take pictures and DJ for me as my graduation present, and it turned out to be such a hit! The music was really good, and there was a photobooth kind of thing that was a lot of fun. They would take pictures of me with my family and friends, and then everyone would get an immediate print out free of charge! My mom grilled some hot dogs and burgers; my grandmother cooked some Filipino dishes; my relatives brought some food also.
It’s been a while since I’ve had a big party for just me, and lately, I’ve been feeling really unappreciated, unaccomplished, and unintelligent regardless of the fact that I just graduated from college. I kept comparing myself to people who are going to medical, vet, or grad school in the Fall while I’m taking a year off before applying to school again. I felt like I was at a standstill, and everyone was moving forward. Everyone’s going off to school again to become professionals, whereas I’m staying home getting no calls back from jobs that I apply to and taking care of my siblings. There aren’t many 22-year-olds that I can relate to when it comes to this… trying to be more independent, but having others depending on you. Living a kind of soccer-mom lifestyle with the kids in bed by 9 PM while others are traveling to different countries or bar-crawling with their friends.
Let me get this straight: I don’t hate the way I’ve chosen to live. I don’t dislike taking care of my siblings. I don’t dislike staying home with my family rather than hanging out with friends. I don’t regret taking a year off before going to school. But I do lose myself sometimes. I forget who I am, and what I want to do, because I’m so busy making sure that my siblings have a solid foundation early on in their education so that things are easier to understand later in life. In the Philippines, a lot of older siblings end up dropping out of school so that they can work to pay for their siblings to finish their schooling… Your social life is just something you have to sacrifice a little in order to make sure that your family is okay. I don’t regret that; I just get really lost, especially when I feel that my hard work towards them remains unacknowledged.
So to have this big party this weekend with good company, good food, and lots of presents just for me was extremely overwhelming. I finally saw all of the love and support that I have from so many people for reaching this milestone in my life… and I felt extremely blessed. It actually moved me to tears seeing that so many people were here for me, and it’s recharged me in a way.. and I’ve realized that different people take different paths to their individual destinations. What I’m doing is what I need to be doing, and in due time, I’ll be as successful as others around me.